• Take pictures. Make your memories together. You have a limited time to make enough memories to last a lifetime. Do not feel intimidated by what others say. Quiet your mind and listen to your heart. You do not have to develop the film until you are ready.
• If your baby dies at birth or shortly after, it is okay to open your baby's eyes
• Try to be an integral part of planning your child's memorial service.
• Dress and bathe your child, if possible. Spend as much time caring for your child as possible.
• Tell people if they have said something that hurts you. The only way that people will learn sensitivity is through gentle education.
• Invite family, including siblings into the room to say goodbye.
• If you do have other children, do not be afraid to grieve in front of them. It is very important to express emotions, as powerful as they may be. Be willing to communicate and share those feelings. If you begin by crying together, then you also begin to healing and rebuilding together. By holding back the grief, children can become angry and hostile. Emotions are good.
• Have a place to go to meditate.
• Talk about your child anytime you want to. If friends or family are uncomfortable with that, find a support group in your area. Support groups are a great way to meet people who feel the same way and understand your grief. Say your child's name as often as possible. They are a part of you, your past, present and future. You do not have to pretend they did not exist. It will also afford you an opportunity to reach out and help someone else who may be earlier in his or her grief.
• If you are married or have a significant other, try not to shut them out. Remember that women and men express grief differently. Try not to judge one another or assume you know what they are feeling. Concentrate on your own grief and sharing the memory of your child together.
• Do not feel that you must take your child's room apart or take the nursery down immediately. You can do this in your own time. Some parents wait years. This is not unusual or unhealthy. Graceland, Elvis Presley's home, is a museum, with many of his personal items remaining untouched after decades. Hundreds and thousands of people visit Graceland annually to pay tribute to Mr. Presley. This is accepted in society as normal behavior. Certainly, your desire to maintain the sacredness of your child's room and personal belongings is your own choice.
• Seek counseling if the grief becomes too much to bear.

Grief plays funny tricks on the mind. You may find yourself being forgetful, losing things, sleeping a great deal or not wanting to go outside your home. It is all part of the journey. There is a light; however, we all arrive at different points during the process.

Memorialization Ideas

These are some ways that you can commemorate your baby's life. Each is an option which you may consider. Listen to your heart.

BABY ALBUM
Create a baby album for your son or daughter. Include a locket of hair, identification bracelets, birth cards and anything else you desire. If you have other children, allow them to write their feelings and thoughts in the album.

CHARITABLE DONATIONS
Offer a donation on behalf of your child. Many organizations will send thank you cards when you do. Be sure to include this in your baby's album.

FRAMING PICTURES
Allow yourself to purchase special frames for your baby's photographs and allow yourself to hang the pictures in your home if you are comfortable with that. You may choose a particular wall where many family pictures are displayed to include your baby's photos. Other parents hang framed poetry and prints as special reminders of their child.

ENGRAVED LOCKET
There are many beautiful lockets which you can purchase for a picture of your child. Choose something very special which you can engrave a message to your child on, such as "You are always in our hearts 7-27-94"

BIRTHSTONE NECKLACES AND RINGS
Purchase either with your child's birthstone. It is a wonderful and eloquent way to remember them.

MEMORY BOX
Keep a memory box with your child's items in it. Such items might include a blanket from the hospital, booties, your baby album, stuffed animals, medical records from your birth, sympathy cards from friends and family, and any other memorial items you may have.

PLANT A MEMORIAL TREE

Some states will allow you to participate in a tree-planting program at a local park in memory of your child. If that is not an option, consider a tree in your yard, or at your church with a plaque dedicating the tree to your child. You can expand it into a memorial or contemplation garden which includes engraved bricks, flowers, and angel statues

Support Organizations

Candlelighters Childhood Cancer Foundation
PO Box 498
Kensington, MD 20895-0498

(800) 366-CCCF
http://http://www.candlelighters.org

American Cancer Society
1599 Clifton Road NE
Atlanta, GA 30329-4251
(800) ACS-2345
http://http://www.cancer.org
Has a national network of employees and volunteers who implement research, education, and patient service programs. Although programs differ according to state and province, some widely available programs are patient-to-patient visitation, transportation to appointments, housing near treatment centers, equipment and supplies, support groups, literature on a large variety of topics, summer camps for children with cancer, research and educational programs.

National Children's Cancer Society
The National Children's Cancer Society helps children with cancer and their families by providing financial assistance, advocacy, education, and emotional support.
The National Children's Cancer Society
1015 Locust, Suite 600
St. Louis, MO 63101
314.241.1600 (telephone) or 1-800-FAMILY
314.241.6949 (fax)
http://http://www.children-cancer.com/

Children's Cancer Society Inc.
"Our mission is to provide financial support to families that have a child with cancer and the costs of the cancer treatments are causing financial difficulties. If your family is having financial difficulties do to a cancer illness, we maybe able to help. We can run special fundraising programs for you and try to raise money to help you."
Children's Cancer Society Inc.
765 Mountain Ave. Suite 368
Springfield, NJ 07081
908-301-9717

Children's Cancer Society
Starlight Starbright
Starlight Starbright helps seriously ill children and their families cope with their pain, fear and isolation through entertainment, education and family activities. Not cancer-specific.

www.starlight.org

Gilda's Clubs
Different Gilda's Clubs have different programs for children with cancer and their families, but potentially a clubhouse could have groups for children and teens with cancer, groups for siblings, and groups for parents. Also a big part of Gilda's Club is workshops and classes - anything from art workshops to informational type things (like Ask the Doctor, Insurance Q & A, etc) and social events. Visit the Gilda's Club Worldwide website www.gildasclub.org and check if there's a Gilda's Club in your area, then call the individual clubhouse to find out what they offer.

Leukemia & Lymphoma Society
1311 Mamaroneck Avenue
White Plains, NY 10605
(914) 949-5213or 1-800-955-4LSA
http://www.leukemia.org
This organization provides financial assistance to families (up to $500/year for outpatients), funds research, sponsors a national program in education for the public and the medical community, and publishes a large number of booklets on cancer-related topics.